Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be
There’s a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly. – Yesterday; John Lennon & Paul McCartney
It has been three weeks since I last wrote down the conversations I have had with my soul. The reason for this ‘silence’ was because I found myself still living in the yesterday of my life. 2014 was just three weeks away but there is a shadow hanging over me and I find myself still struggling to see the reality of the plague in my own heart and fearful of what today might bring. Just yesterday I was reminded how fragile time can be and how easy it is to allow a moment of weakness to suddenly take over and the shadow of myself begins to take on a life of its own and suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be at the beginning of the day.
‘Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be’: This is a fact of life. Because of the dark areas of our lives, the areas below the waterline that no one can see but God, we become half human and half spiritual when we allow the shadow of death from sin to become real and take control of our conduct and behavior. The walk of faith in God is a long journey of obedience to become Christ-like and be filled with ALL the fullness of God. For that to take place in this life this side of eternity, the shadows of the yesterdays must become one with the object that is causing it – that is you and me. Only the quest to know the full extent of the love of God as revealed in the Cross of Christ is the key to complete healing from the memory of yesterday’s sins and blunders.
Ephesians 3:19 KJV And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God.
Oswald Chambers writes in My Utmost for His Highest:
Security from Yesterday. “God requireth that which is past.” Anxiety is bound to arise from remembering the yesterdays. Our present enjoyment of God’s grace is going to be checked by the memory of yesterday’s sins. But God is the God of our yesterdays, and He allows the memory of them in order to turn the past into a ministry of spiritual culture for the future. God reminds us of the past lest we get into the false and shallow security in the present.
Isaiah 52:12, KJV For ye shall not go out with haste, nor go by flight: for the Lord will go before you; and the God of Israel will be your reward.
Security for Tomorrow. “For the Lord will go before you.” This is a gracious revelation, that God will be our strength and shield where we have failed to. He will watch over us lest we trip and fall into failure. God’s hand reaches back to the past and makes a clearing-house for conscience.
Security for Today. “For ye shall not go out with haste.” As we journey into this new year, let us not be in a hurry of impulsive thoughtlessness but with the patient power of knowing that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob will go before us. Our yesterdays present irreparable things to us; it is true that we have lost opportunities which will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ.
Leave the Irreparable Past in His hands, and step out into the Irresistible Future with Christ. – Oswald Chambers
Irreparable Past, Irresistible Future: Yes, this must be the prelude to the conversations I want to have with my soul this year and the years to come. The shadow of yesterday will always be there as a memory but if we have steadfast faith in the only One, true, living God of Israel who writes our tomorrows, we have hope for new beginnings today. Then, the only shadow we see before us is His, Jesus of Nazareth.